I can’t stop giggling

12 days ago, I submitted an article to one of my favorite websites, hello giggles

11 days ago, they wrote back – and wanted me to re-submit my work as a video post

8 days ago, I sat in my room, signed up for a you-tube account and went to town

Yesterday, it was published and allanabytes had over 700 visitors.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Suffice to say, I had a major freak-out. The past week had been a flurry of emotions – I knew the video would be published – which made me excited, but I didn’t know exactly when – which made me nervous. I knew it wasn’t the greatest video- it was my first attempt at any sort of videography  (cut the bytes a break!) and yet, I was anxious for people to watch.

Honestly, I wanted to keep the whole thing a secret and then boom, surprise everyone (!), but if we’re being honest here, we all know I can’t keep these sorts of things to myself. So, I told a select few of my closest friends, in particular my writer friends, considering I knew they would bask in the excitement just as much as I was.

Since I didn’t harass hello giggles on when exactly they would publish my video, I spent a couple days in the dark, frantically checking the website + my stats on allanabytes. Then, yesterday morning, as I lay in the guest bedroom of my friend’s apartment in Albany, NY, I checked my e-mail and found a new message from OK Cupid.

“Nov 14, 2011 – 8:28am : Seen your video on hellogiggles, I put in mo’ money in search and you popped up, anyway, hilarious video. I hope you found true love since.”

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I was a frantic mess. I grabbed my phone – it slipped out of my hand. Picked it up and started doing my happy dance. Then, I texted the one woman I knew would freak out just like me.

Lan: MOM ITS UP!!!! THE VIFEOb !!!!! dasfadfa

Mom: LMAO!!! She tweets way more than she should!!!

Lan: It’s true. All the time, actually. I’m not ashamed!

And then the blog stats kept going up. 200, 300 – I was in utter shock. I was a hot mess of emotions. I was so happy, so blessed and grateful, and yet my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my friggen chest. Then, today it was 700. Wow. Um, thank you? Barely even begins to cover it. If I made one person laugh at something on allanabytes, I’m happy. If I made one person laugh at that video, I’m happy. Long story short? I’m happy. Very, very happy. So, thanks!

I wanted to include on here the actual article I submitted to hello giggles. Whether or not you’ve actually seen the video version (which is slightly more messy and awkward), I hope you get a kick out of this!

My Dearest Hello Giggles,

Yesterday, you posed the question on twitter – 10 things I find attractive. Rather than write a novel-length post about the ten things I find attractive, yet 24 years later still haven’t found in a man, I want to share ten different things with you. The ten worst messages I’ve ever received from an online dating site. Now, let me just say, I never, ever (and I mean, ever), thought I would join an online dating site. I always judged those people, the few friends and even relatives of mine who had joined match, or e-harmony, only getting out of it what I had expected from the beginning – bad dates and even worse hookups.

Clearly, I didn’t get it and I judged – that was wrong. Then, after I got screwed over again by this guy, an anonymous friend of mine, a member of OK-cupid, sat in my bed with me at 2 a.m., convinced me I had to make a profile and that was the end of it. Truth be told, I was a little excited. All the hoopla surrounding my new profile – uploading scantily clad but still classy photos of yourself, writing smart but sexy bios that you hope entice the cuties but scare away the crazies.

For me, the fun in the website was the same type of fun I have on Facebook. Stalking people. It wasn’t necessarily about finding a match or a potential lo-vah, it was fun – and truth be told, it was certainly a distraction. And okay, I won’t lie and say I wasn’t phased by the messages that started to roll into my inbox. I am a woman and when I first started the profile, I was a semi-depressed, distraught woman looking for attention that I obviously wasn’t getting from the “real world” humans. Compliments and invitations, no matter how creepy, unwanted or completely out of line- they help. They slowly start to boost that self-esteem right back up where it belongs.

Now, here I am, a month later, confidence up and seemingly back in a normal state of mind – and I’ve had some time to reflect. To come down from my OK-cupid high and realize, holy cow, there are some crazies out there. And with that realization, comes time to share.

1) Ok, do u think I am good looking 😛 (Before I even begin to answer that question, I have to know if it was a mass message. Did you just MASS ok-cupid message me? And the smiley? What IS that?)

2) Whats up chicken butt? (I literally just threw up in my mouth)

3) I feel like you look attractive. I would like to enhance your life by exposing you to my awesomeness. Lets go on a romantic date with tacos and beer. (Lets start at the beginning. You feel like I look attractive? Is there a compliment hidden in there, because I don’t see it. Tacos and beer? Romantic? Now I feel like you are kind of crazy and not at all awesome. Please, let me enhance your life by telling you I think that idea sucks)

4) How loud is your laugh for real? (LOLZ, its loud. And that must be discerning to you, which is discerning to me. Cya, neva!)

5) You know – we would make some beautiful babies. (OH, I know. We would make some beautiful babies if you were actually cute)

6) Would you like to hang out tomorrow? (Awww. No)

7) Ever done a threesome? (Yep, my question was finally answered. People do actually ask things like that over the internet)

8) Have to ask if you were a rapper in your former life given the fact you use terms like “bomb” and “mo money” in your profile? (In my former life I was a unicorn. In my present life, I’m a rapper, yo)

9) Hey u (Okay, is this some sort of sick joke? Which one of my girlfriends told OK-CUPID that I think “hey you,” is the sexiest thing a guy could ever say to a girl?)

10) I know this is going to sound crazy, and I may not get a message back from you. But you are so damn sexy and I would really just love to meet you and have great sex. Like I said, this sounds nuts. I know how to please a woman. Please, I am not a crazy person. I actually have my life pretty well put together. I am just being honest) (You sir, are spot on. You’re soooooo right. I will never message you back)

In case its not blatantly obvious, I never actually responded to any of these messages. Not even the “hey u” guy – and that was only because he couldn’t take the two seconds to actually spell out the word y-o-u-. His loss. Not mine.

Looking back, though, I have to say I’m blessed. Despite however insane or totes inappropriate some of these messages are, they all made me smile. Most of them in fact, gave me a good laugh. Which, upon reading them over and over and sharing them with my girlfriends and now sharing them with the world, they’ve given me a really good laugh. A big boost, if you will, to sink me out of that depression and back into the real world. Back in a world with real people. And real boys. And normal interaction. So, thanks, OK-Cupid, I owe you one.


2 thoughts on “I can’t stop giggling

  1. I L-U-V you, Allanabytes! ( Happy Face!) No, really, I just LOVE you and love reading allanabytes……keep the giggles coming! xxxxx

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